I went to a Ladakhi wedding this past Wednesday. I had not expected to get to see one, as I know so few people here. After school I was giving a flute lesson to Chun Yeun, a Korean lady living here, and she asked if I had been to a wedding. I told her no, and she told me she had been invited to one this evening, and it would be okay if I came along. So, I met her at Wapang's place at 7:30. Wapang is from the Nagaland, and is living here in Leh, as well. All three of us go to the church here, and Wapang also teaches at the school.

Ladakhi weddings are huge affairs, and also a money-making venture. A 1000 people were invited to the onee today, and I've heard of ones that had over 3000 people attending. The reason for the large invitations is because everyone is supposed to give a gift or money. The cost for a meal is split among something like 30 or 40 families, and no one is out more than 4,000 or 5,000 rupees ($100 or so). But, the couple gets much more than that in gifts. In fact, I was told that they keep track how much they get from each person, and then give the same and a little bit more if that person has an event. The same is true for things like celebrating the birth of a child, or for a funeral. People living in the outlying villages feel bad, because they get invited to these functions in Leh, but can't recoup their losses in their own village. Sometimes, they'll hold a function in Leh, but they get nowhere's near the amount they have given out over the years. What struck me as funny is that they don't have to schedule these things right at the time of the event. I was told about one family that celebrated a wedding, the birth of a child, and the funeral of a grandparent all at one function. They got triple the gifts, and only had to provide one dinner!!!

I arrived at Wapang's place at 7:30, and met Wapang and his wife and Chun Yeun. Then we went inside, and I never saw Chun Yeun for the rest of the evening! This is because men and women do not sit together at these functions. Instead, I sat with Wapang, Prem Paul (from the school), David Sonam (assistant principal at the school), and several Nepali friends of Wapang's. Between David and Paul, I got all of my questions answered, as well as a lot of background on the various aspects of a Ladakhi wedding.

The reception was held in a huge tent with a low ceiling. At the front were the instruments, they typical three sornas and three drummers. I don't think most Americans could tolerate this for a band at their own wedding, as the sound is obnoxious. Next to the instruments was an open area for dancing. Then was a table with all of the gifts. Beyond the table in the center of the tent were all the female guests in roughly a square pattern. The men sat in the first two or three rows of tables around the outside of the ladies in a "U" shape along the sides and back of the tent.

The seating was Ladakhi style, which meant sitting on Tibetan carpets on the floor on either side of the tables. The tables were the typical Ladakhi colorfully painted ones with dragons, flowers, and other bright pictures. They are about 2 feet long, 1 foot wide, and 1 foot high. Each table had one of the carpets on either side of it. These carpets are 2 1/2 feet wide and 5 feet long. The crowd was huge, and I estimated it to be 400 people. My friends said I was low, and 700 would be much closer. Then I got to thinking about the 4 people at each table. I asked if there was a place that rented out that amount of tables and carpets. I was told that there was no such place. But, there are associations of 30-40 families each in Leh. When someone in one of the associations gets married, they approach the leaders and ask for assistance. Each of the families is then responsible for something like 6 tables and 12 carpets, as well as some food for the banquet. It is huge!

At the tables, we were served both Ladakhi and Indian tea. I declined the Indian tea, as I prefer to eat and drink local food at such events. Indian tea is the black tea with milk and sugar. Instead, I had the Ladakhi tea, which is green tea with butter and salt. Most westerners don't like it, but if it is done right, I do. Ladies were all over with thermos jugs of tea. As soon as my cup was half empty, they were topping it off. It was impressive considering the number of guests there. They also served chang. Chang is Ladakhi beer brewed from barley that is grown locally. I was told that it gets bad fast, so has to be drunken a few days after it is ready. It tasted like beer, with a different after-taste that wasn't bad. I had maybe a half cup, as I don't care much for beer, but wanted to taste what they served. The chang was served in silver bowls at the tables (about 3 per table). Each bowl had just a dab of butter somewhere along the rim. I was told that this is a sign of wealth, as butter is not cheap here.

While we were having tea and chang and visiting, others were up front doing Ladakhi dances near the musicians. David said that one person is the leader. I had asked about that when I saw a lady trying to put a white scarf around the neck of a man nearby. He was trying to refuse that "honor" of being the leader of the next dance, but eventually gave in and went up front. This is typical in Ladakh; the insincere refusals. It happens a lot, and I've gotten the hang of it. Many times, I'll decline tea that is offered, but when pressed I'll say "Okay, just a little." I end up with a full cup. The lady also gave towels to others who were to be in the dance. Same story with the refusals. The musicians follow the dance leader, which was explained to me by David, and is something I hadn't known. Especially the drummers, but also the sornas, will watch the step pattern set up by the leader and place the stronger beats to fit in with that step pattern. The other dancers will, of course, follow the foot pattern, hand motions and turns that the leader establishes. I was told that the leader is expected to tip the musicians based on how well they followed his step pattern. Daved says that sometimes the musicians get a lot of rupees. But, he's also seen lousy musicans get a kick in the side for a tip after the dance!

The dance itself, is similar to those I saw at the Dalai Lama's birthday celebration and the Ladakh festival celebration, but I noticed a couple things I overlooked before. The footwork is VERY slow and intricate. There are a series of slow and fast steps, as set up by the leader, but always with tiny steps. Sometimes, the pattern will include a "slide" where one foot quickly slides across the floor (still tiny) to rub against the other foot. Usually the steps are forward, but occasionally there may be steps that diagonal left or right also. Unlike Tibetan dances, I haven't seen backward steps or large steps of any kind. The general motion of the dance is in a circle, and with the tiny and slow steps, it sometimes takes 5 minutes to make it once around the circle. At times, the leader may turn in to the center or turn out, still keeping the foot motion the same. The hands, meanwhile, are holding what looks like a long towel. It goes over the right shoulder and around the back. The left hand holds one end of the towel low near the waist. The right hand holds the other end of the towel near shoulder height and in front of the body with just the last 5 or 6 inches of towel extending out from the hand. This tip of towel I noticed for the first time today is sometimes flipped right or left, again at the discretion of the leader. Finally, at various times during the song, they may choose to sing a unison note on a neutral syllable (usally O). I hadn't seen this before either at other festivals, but had heard this on a cassette tape I have of the music here. All of this makes for an intricate dance if you put the small foot motions, the hand flips and turns together. I've done it, and if you follow the leader and get the foot pattern that is set up, it really is easy. But, I've seen so many foreigners make fools out of themselves when they try, not having a clue.

These dances are accompanied by only the 2 instruments with 3 players each. One is the drums. They are bowl shaped, and each player has two drums. One he keeps wet, which give the skin a bass sound. This is the drum that is supposed to accent the foot motion that the leader sets up. The other is a higher pitched drum which plays the basic rhythm, which can be quite fancy. The other instrument is the sorna, which sounds like a bad oboe with a vibrato as wide as Guy Lombardo's used to be on New Year's Eve. The 3 sornas today didn't seem to be playing the same melody most of the time. It sounded mostly like improvisation. They would start and end on the same note, but that was about it.

The guy leading the dance I paid the most attention to was a guy in his 50's. David Sonam told me that in 1965 at the age of 19, he was at that time the youngest person to summit Mount Everest.

After several dances and cups of tea, Wapang and I left to go for dinner. This was in an adjoining guesthouse. The organization of this huge affair impressed even me, and I'm known for my organizational skills! As people arrive for dinner, they are shown to whichever room is the one they are filling up at that time. Others are at various stages, as I will describe here. In each room are a half dozen more Ladakhi tables and carpets and a space heater. When a room is full with about 15 people, the ladies will bring in tea and sugar biscuits (cookies). While we are at this stage, the photographer and video camera person come in and take pictures and video for the wedding couple. I had wondered how they would ever know who all was there at these larger weddings!

Next, they have a guy with a teakettle of cool water and a large bucket come in. He also has a towel. He goes around the room pouring the water over each person's right hand so that they can wash it before eating. Of course, in India eating with the left hand is a no-no, as that hand is responsible for certain other specified tasks that don't mix with culinary indulgences. Next, someone brings in plates and napkins and passes them out. Right behind were the food items. The person of the highest respect or prestige is served first, and then in descending order. I've been told that people who sit in a higher place than they deserve are told by the #1 person to get up and leave many times. I'm glad they told me where to sit! We had rice, paneer (cottage cheese that is sliced) deep fried boiled eggs, spinach that is spicy-hot with chilis, dal (like brown beans - a staple in India), and an onion/tomato mix for salad. No silverware. Everything is eaten with the right hand. Usually, the rice is mixed with the wetter items to form a kind of paste as dry rice is difficult to pick up in any quantity with the hand. It is messy, but I am getting better at eating with my hand. Mom would be proud!

After we were all done, there was some conversation, but very little. No one moved until the oldest man (ladies ate separately) in the room stood up. Then, everyone stood up and we left, put our shoes back on, and returned to the tent. The ceremony was almost over. The bride and groom had arrived, and there was one last dance done by ladies. As each lady passed the couple doing that slow dance described earlier, they put a white scarf around their necks as a token of good luck. I left at 9:15, which is early for a Ladakhi wedding. I was told later that many times they don't start serving dinner until after 10PM, and one person told me that it was 2:30 AM at one wedding he went to!!!